Do I have diabetes? Meh, I can manage on my own.

So this weekend was filled with a level of uncertainty for me on the physical level that highlighted an underlying spiritual condition.

Let me explain: on Friday morning, I went to the doctor for my routine glucose test (to determine if I have gestational diabetes). I failed miserably, much to my surprise because I've done this twice before and never had a problem. I had to take an extended glucose test as soon as possible, which for me was Monday morning, because that was a day when I could spend three hours at a lab while being food-deprived and sugar-hyped, and have my husband stay home with the kids. I was pretty sure I'd fail that test given my results from Friday morning, so I spent the weekend stewing and researching and worrying and feeling overwhelmed at the thought of overhauling my diet and lifestyle (basically no carbs until the New Year, AND blood tests via finger pricks multiple times a day).

And I kept thinking something else: "Geez, if the doctors weren't so picky, I wouldn't have to worry about all this. Maybe if I test borderline, it won't be so bad and I won't have to go to all those extremes and I can just sort of muddle along with half-hearted attempts at changing my diet and lifestyle."

You know, because I can't just be grateful for access to medical care that can provide relatively easy remedies for issues that could become major medical complications for both me and my baby.

And then I realized, I really think the same thing a lot of the time about my spiritual condition. "Do I have diabetes? Meh, I can manage it on my own" is a lot like minimizing my sin (for which the Great Physician has given me a terminal diagnosis) and figuring that a few minor adjustments here and there can help me get along just fine, no need for intrusive, annoying, potentially painful and inconvenient remedies for what ails me.

I'm grateful that God is an honest doctor. I'm grateful that he's persistent in bringing me an accurate diagnosis and a proper cure.

Good news: my test results on Monday came back negative, so I had bread and butter for lunch today to celebrate. Even better news:

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
    in the night also my heart instructs me.

I have set the Lord always before me;
    because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
    my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
    or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life;
    in your presence there is fullness of joy;
    at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Psalm 16:7-11